Things I like
My antlers, my shiny coat, my eyes, the sound the snow makes when I walk on it… the Ramones (the Blitzkrieg Bop was written about me you know), signing autographs (Note: I always sign my name with a lightning bolt instead of z – just so you can all check you haven’t bought a fake from ebay), elf bowling and making the tea round for the snowmen (cruel… but so funny).

Things I don’t like
Elves, snowmen and fairies. Having Cupid’s bottom in my face for a full 24 hours every sodding year and my likeness being constantly mistaken for Rudolf by pretty much every child in the whole world… as if… and every child in the whole world leaving out ‘a carrot for Rudolf’. The rest of us do exist as well you know…

My friends say I am
Bound to be the next leader of the Reindeer once Rudy gets the boot.

My secret talent
I’m actually stronger, faster, lighter, better looking and have a better sense of direction than Rudolf. My nose could also shine brighter if I wanted it to… which I don’t. The only reason I think I’m at the back of the troop is Santa wants me next to him and Rudolf and the others as far away from him as possible.

If I wasn’t at the North Pole I would be
At any infinite number of other places around the world – duh!
But if I didn’t choose to work here, it’d probably be stuffed and mounted on Sarah Palin’s wall cos my antlers are so damn pretty.