Elf & Safety

This statement forms part of our Elf and Safety policy, required under the Elf and Safety at Workshop Act (section 2, subsection 5.5, appendix 7 a) iii, footnote part b).

1. Risk assessment record sheets are located in the Elf and Safety File. Specific risk assessment sheets can be found additionally for:
• the Bear-o-matic
• Santa’s Grotto
• the Fairy Dust store
• Snowman temperature gauge.

2. One of the greatest risks we face as an organisation is the melting of staff. It is imperative that NO-ONE tampers with the central cooling system in the Snowman Store, where the temperature must remain at below freezing – for obvious reasons.

3. Be careful with hot drinks when around snowmen.

4. Should a melting occur, there is an emergency deep freeze situated by the rear entrance to Santa’s Grotto.

5. Employees must be aware of the risk involved in expressing disbelief in the existence of fairies. Although we actively encourage freedom of speech – saying ‘I do not believe in fairies’ can be life-limiting for our winged brethren.

6. The top fairy is responsible for first-aid (due to the healing qualities of liberal sprinklings of fairy dust).

7. The head snowman is responsible for the accident book (as the majority of accidents are caused by or involve a snowman, it is simpler this way) and for reporting any accidents to the Elf and Safety Executive.

8. The head elf is responsible for emergencies including fire. She will act as fire warden accordingly. Although this responsibility used to be shared between teams, it is now purely the domain of the head elf, following last year’s ill thought out decision to present the role to our former head snowman, the Great Snowman in the Sky rest his soul. I can still remember the panic in those lumps of coal and water everywhere.

9. To prevent accidental goring, Reindeers are required to wear protective antler gear at all times when in the workshop.

10. Employees must not take it upon themselves to render first-aid and no matter how easy you think a quick patch up job on a snowman colleague may be, you must always approach a designated first aider.

11. Elves are required to sport sensible footwear at all times when in the workshop. Although we actively celebrate all cultures at the North Pole, traditional pointy-toed pixie boots are one of the main sources of trip hazards and industrial accidents. Many is the time when loose clothing (and the elf attached) has been sucked into the Bear-o-matic stuffing machine. The results are not pretty.

12. With the exception of Santa Claus, drinking at work is not permitted.

13. Reindeers are responsible for cleaning up any ‘little treats’ which they may leave on the workshop floor. These constitute a slip hazard and act as a catalyst for disease.

14. It is a requirement of employment for employees to abide by Elf and Safety rules and any employee breaching safety rules will receive a written warning in the first instance. A second offence can lead to a severe scrubbing in the snow (including snow in your underpants).