Not wine flu

I’ve got some terrible news dearies, Donner Tella and Vixen Chantelle have been struck down by a sore throat, runny nose and temperature and we don’t think that it's as a result of the usual binge drinking. I don’t want to alarm you but we have been receiving reports of something which the experts are calling reindeer flu. We had assumed that we would have been protected, after Santa misunderstood the term ‘herd immunity’ to mean that our reindeer herd were automatically immune. On advisement from national elf direct, we have quarantined Donner and Vixen and they will spend the next few days in bed drinking plenty of fluids – not so different from usual behaviour I hear you all say. I advise everyone to check the national elf direct website for information on symptoms and contact me straight away if they are feeling unwell. To save you the effort, I will not be accepting any sick notes from any of you claiming to have reindeer flu – you are made out of snow, and as such, cannot contract the virus.

Stay strong – we’ve got a pitch to do.

Mrs C.