8
Roy
Bloody snowmen. If I’ve told you once, I’ve told you twice – creating ice slides by leaving the outdoor taps running may well be an exhilarating way to fill in your ever-longer lunch breaks, fag breaks, tea breaks, nap breaks, snack breaks and relentless breathers but it costs us money and wastes vital resources.
Through general work-shy foppish-ness and pea-brained carelessness you’re costing the company twice over. While we’re on the subject of running down vital resources – electricity may well be a marvellous invention, but will you bloody well stop marvelling at it by repeatedly switching the lights on and off in the warehouse. Not only does it frequently plunge us into complete blackness – causing innumerable accidents, it is again a huge drain on our resources. We all know the dangers of global warming – they’re particularly relevant to you snowmen. You don’t need to grasp the tricky science bit – all you need to know is that if you keep on with your wasteful pastimes it’s going to end badly for you. Remember when Chilly Dave went to the Bahamas?If you keep on with this reckless abandon – it’ll be bloody Barbados here and soon.
With this in mind (not to mention the fact that as part of the tender process we need to prove that we are an environmentally aware organisation), we elves are drafting an environmental policy and, as is the case with all democratic and proper policy decisions, we need to know what you think, so we can thoroughly disregard it at a later date. So drop me a line through the usual channels with policy suggestions on how we can conserve energy and reduce pollution and emissions. I’m well aware I said pollution and emissions snowmen. Please don’t trouble me with the usual unpleasant toilet humour. We require serious answers only. This is the future people, take some responsibility.
Over and out.
Roy.
Ah let them be daft! It's great entertainment for us while we're waiting to do the important bit. Anyone seen a gold earing lying around? It's about the size of me face?!
Er yeah... I used it as a sledge- you can get a canny speed up on that bad boy- (sorry about that)
See how fast you go when you feel the force of me hoof eh?
Another policy, what a surprise. I've just returned from a two day detox break to this. Any reindeers fancy retoxing tonight?
The more policies the better I say!! Thank you Roy, we are right on schedule writing this policy and should be finished it well in time for the pitch, which I am sure is more than can be said for the other elements of the presentation. Elves are sooo efficient!
And some of them are sooo green! Not me, though, I'm going through a purple phase - so very Christmas 2009. But back to the policy, we are in fact currently going through the policy before it goes to the approval stage with His Nibs - we're checking it once, we're checking it twice - and we're looking forward to follow the final approved policy down to the letter. I fear the snowmen may find the whole thing one big joke as usual.